Monday, August 15, 2011

Mary Kay’s Fantastic Trip to Congress

Tasty would like to share a teeny tiny fantasy about SEIU President Mary Kay Henry. It goes like this:

One sunny day, Mary Kay makes her way from the Purple Palace to the U.S. Capitol so she can testify about SEIU’s enthusiastic support for speedy union elections because they’re totally fair and, like, democratic and super all-American!

Mary Kay, seated in front of a Congressional committee, delivers remarks carefully sculpted by SEIU’s media consultants. During the speech, Mary Kay says the words “freedom,” “democracy” and “America” about a zillion times – kinda like her recent statement on exactly this subject.

Her speech ends in an explosion of nationalistic fervor as pimple-faced SEIU organizers throw heaps of red, white and blue confetti in the air. When things finally settle down in the hearing room, a Congressperson leans forward on a creaky chair and speaks these words into the mic:

Congressperson: Ms. Henry… Am I to understand that SEIU officially endorses speedy NLRB elections for America’s workers?

MKH: Absolutely! It’s the American way!... George Washington!

Congressperson: Well… please tell me this: Why has SEIU blocked an election for 450 workers at Children’s Hospital in Oakland, California for 2 ½ years?

MKH: Well. I don’t… Uhh… SEIU would never…

Congressperson: Ms. Henry… The record is extremely clear on this. In just the past four months, SEIU’s law firm has filed more than a dozen charges to block workers’ election, including these seven charges filed over just two days. All of these bogus charges – which were eventually dismissed – were part of your union’s campaign to block workers’ request for a simple election.

MKH: (sweat beading on forehead) Uhhh…

Congressperson: Ms. Henry… do you know how long a Congressperson’s term of office is? It’s two years. Do you realize that you’ve blocked an election that was requested by your own union’s members for longer than my term of office?

MKH: (nervous twitch contorting face)

Congressperson: Now… if I had stopped my constituents from voting in an election just so I could stay in office, do you know what would happen? I’d be investigated by the FBI, the Justice Department and the Supreme Court. I’d probably go to jail.

MKH: Uhhh…

Congressperson: Ms. Henry… now that we know the truth about SEIU's record, why should we believe a single word that comes out of your mouth?

MKH: (trembling)

Congressperson: Fellow committee members, I move that we order a Congressional investigation into SEIU as well as any NLRB official who participated in this dastardly scheme to deny democracy to workers. And I move that we impose mandatory jail terms on violators... All in favor?

The Whole Committee: AYE!!!

At this point, a mob of disenfranchised workers rushes forward from the back of the committee room and carries Mary Kay to her jail cell!